a “spiritual” journey

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👇🏿 ain’t got no time for that? press play for the radical radio recording ✨

“where are you on your ‘spiritual’ journey? how would You describe it?”

he asks us from the front of our bougie breakout room. me there, green as a new budding maple, in a writer’s workshop at hollyhock, trying to learn what i can about writing for the journey ahead called: writing my story into memoir. this is what follows in our twelve minute timed writing…

my spiritual journey. i’m on it. definitely, i’m on it. holding on to the roller coaster and moving through the twists and turns, the upside downs, and the round-y-rounds. i am currently on the spiral upwards, and as well, in this journey post-suicide of ritchie, i feel i am getting ready to lean out the other side. i feel i am seeing the gifts, the gems, the jewels, that i have gleaned from the underbelly of the beast and i am ready to emerge.

i don’t believe that the spiritual journey is linear so i cannot put myself on a linear path though maybe i could say that it’s like a donut. and if there were to be something that looked like a donut that spat me in and out through this continual loop of learning and living then i can confidently say i am there. in that circular flow of my spiritual life. learning and living. living and learning. growing constantly. finding myself face-to-face with myself, over and over.

each time: face new; face different; face same.

each time: face beautiful. face wonderful. face loved. face sad.

where am i on my spiritual journey? i’m fucking on it. and i’ll own that. yes, i’ll do more deep dives. yes, i understand (to that momentary understanding i have that is blissfully full of naivety) what i’m signed up for. yes, i’ve been on a roller coaster before, though maybe not this one. could you show me how to buckle up? oh, and what happens if i want to throw up, how do i not do that in my face. or shit my pants? what’s the best way to do so while i’m on this spiritual roller coaster? oh, there’s no manual for shitting your pants? great, no problem, i’ll see how this goes. i’ll wing it. just like the rest of them.

just like the rest of them.

and isn’t that the point? isn’t that the point of this all? it’s not about a destination, not one spot on the journey over the other, though a recognition of every point on the journey. a recognition that roller coasters can be a real bitch, though that fucker is necessary, needed, and surprise! your soul asked for it anyhow! and i’ve got what it takes for all of life’s roller coasters. if i don’t have it yet, i’m sure this one will teach me. or, the next one will have the guide “how to not shit your pants on the roller coaster”. or, not.

throws hands up in the air, like she just don’t cay-arre

welp, fuck it. what’s one more pair of soiled pants, anyhow.

spiritual journey? i’m definitely on it.

aren’t we all?

to our soiled (past-present-future) pants!

xxo ~k 🤣💩🤣

☾ᐧ post script ᐧ☽

ready to emerge? well, my bright eyed bushy tailed self was then, though i had to live through a few more major life “knocks” (shall i call them) before i find my rooting, my footing, and am ready to slide, slowly, back into the “upper world” after one helluva heroine’s journey.

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