a heroine finds a clue

i have my pal over for chili tonight and he points out some great things… on my frustration and emotions on feeling like this isn’t the thing – this unexpected and unwanted “illness” that’s arrived. like when am i going to “land” somewhere and… i was “supposed to” land here, in a lake-side cabin on a wee island out in the middle of somewhere, unpack and get to it… get to my projects, my werk, the creation of my New Life…

my pal stops me and says, “this is The Thing.”

“huh? what do you mean?” i confuse.

“the ‘illness’ that’s come with your arrival here is the thing. it’s The Thing – it’s all a part of ‘this thing’.”

he goes on to say it was meant to happen, it is meant to be here.

wow. ok. yes! i see that. like i have had this predetermined outcome of how i wanted my arrival here to go (based on nothing/ego/an idea i create) and then when reality shows up (getting ill) my suffering comes on when i resist this illness as being “the thing” – this illness, like lake dips, like forest walks, like… etc etc etc – is the thing. All of it is the thing.

what if this whole time i’ve been in the thing. all of the moments that i’ve wished it to be something else, anything else…

some other place, different place, better place…
some other me, different me, better me…
some other time, different time, better time…

what if this is the thing, this is the place, this is the me that’s supposed to be here.

this, this all (thing, place, me, time) is The Thing.